Change is in the air. It's autumn, so where I live that means changing leaves, animals scurrying around readying themselves for winter, and up and down temperatures from day to day (sometimes minute to minute!). I always feel that coming into fall feels like running full speed into a room where everyone is sitting around quietly reading. It's a very disconcerting feeling. I adjust to it over the months and right around the first snow I'm feeling comfortable with fall. I wonder if that feeling has to do with my innate resistance to change. The same resistance with which most of us struggle from time to time.
I would venture to guess that every single one of my clients has at some point or another come into my office and said "I hate change." Some start out with that as their identified problem, and others get there more gradually. Some are talking about minor changes or general themes, while others are trying to deal with major life events such as loss of a relative or friend, serious illness, financial loss, or job changes. It almost doesn't matter what type of change is happening, we tend to deal with it pretty much the same.
Change comes on like a wave....it feels as if it is crashing down on us...the change occurs, then everything seems different, we're often unsteady for a bit, then we start looking around to see what happened. Initially, we may try to ignore the change, to keep on behaving as we did prior to the event occurring. Then we often start actively fighting the change, often becoming angry at the change. We question the purpose of the change, or the need for the change, or the "rightness" of the change. Anger gives way to fear and confusion. We may lose confidence in our ability to accept or deal with the change effectively and begin to believe that we will not be able to function within the new world created by the change. Then we begin to feel sad, maybe even depressed. Finally we hit the bottom - the crisis moment. This is the critical juncture, because from this point we either give up completely and stay in denial about and in resistance to the change, or we transform in response to the change. This doesn't occur quickly. We're talking easily 6 to 12 months for life-altering changes like death of a loved one, divorce, moving, job change, etc. It's a gradual, sometimes even painful process, but the rewards are well worth the investment of time, energy, and emotion.
One of the most important aspects of this process is that we have full control over our reaction to the event. Did you ever notice that we don't generally get worked up over change we've put in place ourselves? (At least not initially.) That's because we apply different meaning to the change and different thought processes to incorporating it into our lives. When the initial change event happens we have the opportunity to veiw it from two divergent perspectives. We can see change as something to be excited about (with appropriate anticipatory anxiety) or we can see it as something to fear. We may even fall smack dab in the middle at numbness and not have a positive or negative emotional response. By choosing excitement we create a willingness to accept the change and move forward into incorporating the change effectively into our lives. If we choose to be fearful we will probably move towards denying or fighting the change which can lead to serious disharmony in our world.
Regardless of the initial choice whether to welcome or fend off change, we may begin to feel uncertainty about the change at some point. We may also feel an inability to deal with the change or overwhelmed with the change. This is the transformational point where the big decision exists: do we let go of old ideas of how this should be and accept the new way, or do we hold on to old belief systems which may keep us stuck.
If we choose the second option to hold on to our old beliefs about what should or shouldn't be happening, we will continue to feel negatively about the change. We will also feel very much at the mercy of outside forces exerting change on our lives. But if we choose the first option, to let go of our old way of thinking and accept the new reality, we will begin to transform. We approach the new normal with a feeling of power as we recognize our inability to be victimized by circumstance. If we let go of our old way of thinking we will open the door to accepting what is. It is only at this point of acceptance that we can actually deal with the situation effectively. We begin to really look at it in all its aspects and in this way we gain perspective that allows us to be a part of the change rather than feeling as if something is happening to us. We cannot fight reality. We can, however, choose whether or not to be positive about it. We can choose to see it for what it is and make the best of it.
Change in our life is much like the seasons of the year. Nature ushers in change at it's own pace in a cyclical pattern.....from the emergence of life in the spring, through the warmth and growth of the summer, into the harvest and preparation of fall, into the sleep of winter. This process is purposeful and necessary. The leaves must fall so that new leaves can grow. The animals must gather food to ready for the cold winter. It is this regeneration cycle that allows for nature to flourish. Without fall there would be no spring. The same happens in our lives, in big and small ways. We must be attentive to and accepting of change in order to usher in new emotional growth in our lives.
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