Easiest meditation routine ever

I often suggest to my patients that they try meditation.  Whether they're looking to reduce anxiety, improve situations in their lives, or understand things they're not currently understanding, meditation seems to be a good starting point.  Almost all of them have the same reaction when I suggest meditating...."Me?  No, I couldn't do that.  My mind won't slow down long enough for that."  To which I reply, "That's exactly why it's so important."

We have lost the ability to be alone with ourselves it seems.  We have become a society of action seekers.  We fill our lives with things, and people and places without taking the time to commune with nature, or our thoughts, or our selves.  And as we lose touch with these things, our anxiety and unease increase.  We search for meaning, but we're like hungry dogs after a bone.  We chase and force and fight to find something to hold onto.  But we're often left feeling let down....empty.

I suggest that we pause daily to reconnect with our deepest selves.  Then when we return to the hustle and bustle of our lives we'll bring calm, centered energy to the moment.

Meditation doesn't have to be anymore complicated then sitting/standing/walking in reflective silence.  Trying to allow our minds to empty of both the trivialities and major worries we encounter moment to moment.

So here's my recipe for the easiest meditation routine ever:

• Set a timer.  Begin with just two minutes and work your way upwards as the routine becomes more comfortable to you.
• Find a quiet spot.
• Sit comfortably. Or walk if that works.
• Close your eyes. Unless you're walking.
• Breath.
• Breath a little more deeply.
• Allow yourself to be focused on your breath.  Pay attention as you inhale.  Pay attention to the space between inhalation and exhalation.  Pay attention as you exhale.
• Feel yourself relaxing with each breath.
• If thoughts arise, allow them to pass, and come back to breathing.
• Keep focusing on your breath.
• Continue this until your timer goes off.

That's it.  That's all you have to do to begin meditating.  If you can breathe.....you can meditate.  There are many other techniques you can learn after you master this simple meditation routine.  And I promise, even if you can only manage to do this for two minutes every day, it will begin to provide you with a center.  A place from which you can respond to life's ups and downs.  You will begin to feel separate from the chaos, disorganization, and stress that surrounds you.  You will discover that you can find the calm within the storm in yourself in any moment. 

Try it this week....and let me know how it goes for you.

May you awaken to your best self.

Happy Turkey Day

Since I generally post my blog updates on Thursdays, it feels impossible to tackle any topic other than Thanksgiving.  So that's what I'll do.

Today I am thankful for family far and near.  For the easy, stable relationships that consistently fill me with joy and comfort.  And for the more troublesome, difficult ones that force me to come out of my comfort zone and really push my limits.  I learn a tremendous amount about myself through both.

I am thankful for friends.  For those with whom I've recently begun a piece of the journey.  For those whose paths have strayed from mine (or mine from theirs). And for those who have been there through it all.  I may not understand the character rotation, but I know it benefits me greatly.

I am thankful for this past year.  For the losses great and small that scarred my heart.  For the unfulfilled longings and hopes that continue to spur me on.  For the joyful days and the moments of pure bliss.  I honor the trials and tribulations right alongside the triumphs.  For both the good and the bad continue to build my character and strengthen my resolve to keep moving forward.

I am thankful for the work I do.  For the clients who bring me their burdens day in and day out with trust that I will help them on this journey.  For those who struggle to keep getting up, day after day, no matter what life throws at them.  And for those who yearn to understand more and more life lessons as they continue on their path.  For they all bring me something in return for our shared time together, and I grow a little every single day through their stories.

I am thankful for this day that both forces and allows us to look at all of the things in our lives for which we can be grateful.  There is nothing more uplifting than looking around to see all of the beauty in our lives.  Even in the pain there is a nugget of grace that allows us to keep moving forward, and for that I am eternally thankful.  The human spirit never gives in.  It moves us forward on our journey seeking greater understanding, stronger relationships, and compassion in our daily lives. 

May you awaken to your best self.

Things I'd tell my younger self......

I work with a lot of adolescents transitioning into adulthood.  I particularly enjoy working with young women on the cusp of going out into the world on their own.  I spend a lot of time telling them things that I wish someone had been willing or able to share with me at that age - understanding, of course, that I probably wouldn't have listened.  Perhaps these lessons gain their strength from the years of not knowing them, but I’d like to think that by sharing some of those hard-earned lessons maybe someone will get on their true path sooner than I did.

1.       Trust people, but think for yourself.

2.     Have a 3-, 5-, and 10-year plan, but be flexible and recalculate frequently.  Know where you want to be and what it might take to get there.  Don't just say it...imagine it, breath it in and know how you could get there.

3.       Save some money, even just $5 or $10 every pay. Just get in the habit of saving for yourself.

4.       Don’t be embarrassed to be smart.

5.       Don’t bother with people who aren’t bothering with themselves.

6.       Never be afraid to go somewhere new, but always have a way home.

7.       Surround yourself with interesting people – people who confuse you, people who challenge you, people who make you laugh, and people who intrigue you.

8.       Never underestimate the value of hard work, and never confuse the pay for the value.

9.       Don’t take everything that’s said to you as being about you; it isn’t.

10.   When being given advice, consider it as a plate of food – take the meat but leave the bones.

11.   Don’t fear your alone time; embrace it and make it internally productive.

12.   Don’t hold on to things just because they’re familiar or comfortable - this applies to t-shirts, furniture, boyfriends, living spaces, and beliefs.

13.   Surround yourself with people who disagree with you; they’ll help you truly develop a belief system.

14.   What you want isn’t always what you need, and what you need isn’t always pleasant.

15.  Understand that you can learn something new about yourself every single day.  Don't go to sleep without figuring out what you've learned.

Hello Autumn, I'm so surprised to see you again....

Change is in the air.  It's autumn, so where I live that means changing leaves, animals scurrying around readying themselves for winter, and up and down temperatures from day to day (sometimes minute to minute!).  I always feel that coming into fall feels like running full speed into a room where everyone is sitting around quietly reading.  It's a very disconcerting feeling.  I adjust to it over the months and right around the first snow I'm feeling comfortable with fall.  I wonder if that feeling has to do with my innate resistance to change.  The same resistance with which most of us struggle from time to time.

I would venture to guess that every single one of my clients has at some point or another come into my office and said "I hate change."  Some start out with that as their identified problem, and others get there more gradually.  Some are talking about minor changes or general themes, while others are trying to deal with major life events such as loss of a relative or friend, serious illness, financial loss, or job changes.  It almost doesn't matter what type of change is happening, we tend to deal with it pretty much the same. 

Change comes on like a wave....it feels as if it is crashing down on us...the change occurs, then everything seems different, we're often unsteady for a bit, then we start looking around to see what happened.  Initially, we may try to ignore the change, to keep on behaving as we did prior to the event occurring.  Then we often start actively fighting the change, often becoming angry at the change. We question the purpose of the change, or the need for the change, or the "rightness" of the change.  Anger gives way to fear and confusion.  We may lose confidence in our ability to accept or deal with the change effectively and begin to believe that we will not be able to function within the new world created by the change. Then we begin to feel sad, maybe even depressed.  Finally we hit the bottom - the crisis moment.  This is the critical juncture, because from this point we either give up completely and stay in denial about and in resistance to the change, or we transform in response to the change.  This doesn't occur quickly.  We're talking easily 6 to 12 months for life-altering changes like death of a loved one, divorce, moving, job change, etc.  It's a gradual, sometimes even painful process, but the rewards are well worth the investment of time, energy, and emotion. 

One of the most important aspects of this process is that we have full control over our reaction to the event.  Did you ever notice that we don't generally get worked up over change we've put in place ourselves? (At least not initially.) That's because we apply different meaning to the change and different thought processes to incorporating it into our lives.  When the initial change event happens we have the opportunity to veiw it from two divergent perspectives.  We can see change as something to be excited about (with appropriate anticipatory anxiety) or we can see it as something to fear.  We may even fall smack dab in the middle at numbness and not have a positive or negative emotional response.  By choosing excitement we create a willingness to accept the change and move forward into incorporating the change effectively into our lives.  If we choose to be fearful we will probably move towards denying or fighting the change which can lead to serious disharmony in our world. 

Regardless of the initial choice whether to welcome or fend off change, we may begin to feel uncertainty about the change at some point.  We may also feel an inability to deal with the change or overwhelmed with the change.  This is the transformational point where the big decision exists:  do we let go of old ideas of how this should be and accept the new way, or do we hold on to old belief systems which may keep us stuck.

If we choose the second option to hold on to our old beliefs about what should or shouldn't be happening, we will continue to feel negatively about the change.  We will also feel very much at the mercy of outside forces exerting change on our lives.  But if we choose the first option, to let go of our old way of thinking and accept the new reality, we will begin to transform.  We approach the new normal with a feeling of power as we recognize our inability to be victimized by circumstance.  If we let go of our old way of thinking we will open the door to accepting what is.  It is only at this point of acceptance that we can actually deal with the situation effectively.  We begin to really look at it in all its aspects and in this way we gain perspective that allows us to be a part of the change rather than feeling as if something is happening to us.  We cannot fight reality.  We can, however, choose whether or not to be positive about it.  We can choose to see it for what it is and make the best of it. 

Change in our life is much like the seasons of the year.  Nature ushers in change at it's own pace in a cyclical pattern.....from the emergence of life in the spring, through the warmth and growth of the summer, into the harvest and preparation of fall, into the sleep of winter. This process is purposeful and necessary. The leaves must fall so that new leaves can grow. The animals must gather food to ready for the cold winter. It is this regeneration cycle that allows for nature to flourish. Without fall there would be no spring.  The same happens in our lives, in big and small ways.  We must be attentive to and accepting of change in order to usher in new emotional growth in our lives. 

Patience

So I tried to time everything right…lunch at noon, laundry, feed fish, turn off lawn sprinkler, be at the post office at 1:00 when the lobby window opens.  Only the lobby window opens at 1:15.  Now what?!  No sense going back home – the dog will get all riled up.  I live in a town the size of a peapod so there’s not really anything close by to eat up time.  No sense going to the office – I’d have to come right back.  And as I complain about this to my friend, her text reply stops me cold in my frenzy to fill the time…”Write a blog entry about being patient.”  Good one.

How often do we run though our crazy days just wishing we had 15 minutes to do nothing?  I practically beg for it daily, but when my prayers are answered….I freak out.  I have no idea what to do with free time.  No idea.  So I spin in circles when I’m thwarted from rushing on to the next thing, and the next thing, and… yeah, you get it.  Life has too few of these moments lately.  So here’s how I’m spending my 15 minutes (now only seven left!).

I start by rolling down my car window a bit.  I’m always inside – inside the house, inside the office, inside my car between house and office – so the cool breeze is very fresh and calming.  I can hear it moving through the tree leaves and whipping up into a windy frenzy only to subside and fade away.  I can hear a dog barking – nonstop.  Poor little guy.  His people must be at work and he’s not good with alone time.  I see all of the locals in my small town doing their daily things.  Kids coming home from school (1:15?  Who knew!), volunteer fire department people washing the fire truck, elderly folks wandering about….slowly.  Patiently.  Truth be told, the post office lady arrived five minutes ago – but I’m still enjoying patiently sitting outside, listening, watching, and feeling life at a slower pace.

I didn't really know what I could write about patience, since I'm about the least patient person ever.  Yet, as it always does, the universe gave me the connection....from mindfulness to patience.  By becoming mindful of my environment, by stopping my mad rush and taking in the world around me in a non-judgmental and curious way......I found patience.

So here’s my suggestion to you…next time you unexpectedly have 15 minutes to kill, be mindful.  Listen to the sounds, look around at what you might be missing in your daily rush, and relax.  Breathe a little.  Take the extra time the universe has handed you and reconnect with yourself.  You may find yourself discovering a little patience too.

may you awaken to your best self