In this year of wildly partisan politics, it seems to me we are past due for a primer in the fundamental qualities we might look for in a leader. I used to love politics and spent hours discussing them with my late father throughout my lifetime. This year I cringe at the thought of anymore conversations involving the upcoming election. What has changed? The tenor of the argument. Somehow we have unconsciously decided to project all of our unmet needs, expectations, and fears on the candidates making for a thoroughly hysterical discussion at best.
I have yet to hear an argument from anyone about either candidate that seems well thought out, carefully considered, or rational. No matter my personal politics, even those whose views essentially align with my own seem unable to calmly discuss the matters at hand. I hear anger and accusations from all directions, and little concern for the perceived "other." The more each side tries to prove their point, the more they force the other side into defensiveness. Or so it seems from the sidelines.
I remember watching videos years ago of fights breaking out in the parliaments or ruling bodies of foreign lands, and I also remember wondering how they got to that point. Now I understand. When we are so attached to our own beliefs, we lose sight of the humanity of those who believe differently. At some point we become seemingly unable to truly have a discourse and we devolve into the current state of affairs - anger and attacks abound....compassion and kindness evaporate.
We have offered up candidates who align with our ideas of our best selves and our unconscious fears of our worst selves, or the parts we relegate to the shadow of the psyche. If you ask a Trump supporter what they like about him, you hear echoes of the best of the masculine - strength, directness, family, protection. If you ask a Clinton supporter what they like about her, you hear traces of the best of the feminine - relationship building, compassion, understanding. If you ask a Trump detractor what they don't like about him, you hear projections of the worst of the masculine - anger, bigotry, bullying, fear of the other. If you ask a Clinton detractor what they don't like about her, you hear projections of the worst of the feminine - liar, shrill voice, bitch.
What if they are simply canvases upon which we are projecting our hopes and fears? What if our lack of attention to our own personal and collective unconscious has left us unable to see them for who they are - people, with pros and cons, like us all. I imagine that were we more in touch with our own inner feminine and masculine we would have no need for projecting the disowned parts of ourselves onto our political candidates.
The narrative of the media is that the choice we make will change the world - and in ways too many to count, it will. However, the world has changed before and will change again regardless of our specific choices. This narrative serves only to force us into a collective fight or flight response that shuts down our ability to reason and to collectively move towards compromise and collaboration. As a psychotherapist the only role I have in this melee is to calm the reactive brains. When we allow ourselves to move into the primal parts of our brain we lose the ability to reason and rationally approach the issues at hand.
Whatever happens in November, we can begin a new dialogue down here in the trenches that includes respect for differing ideas, more listening than talking, and a movement towards a compassionate discourse of the complicated issues that face us as a society. If we do the work to own our own shadow qualities along with accepting that we too can be the heroes in our daily interactions, only then will we move towards a respectful, collaborative political environment.
"A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is
done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves." Lao Tzu
